53 days to go!! =)

Spectacular news!! =) I am NOT diabetic. Two thumbs up. I know I left you off with wondering if I was or not. And I took a while to get back to you, but you should have believed in "no news is good news." =)

When I found out I had failed the first test, I was devastated, as I'm sure everyone around me could tell. I know I told you I felt as if I had failed my son in some way. I went out and bought the healthiest food I could possibly buy, and then wondered why I hadn't just been eating this way the whole time! After I started to eat "the way a pregnant woman should eat" I felt amazing and my weight gain, for the first time in the past few months, regulated. I went in for my next two week appointment and had only gained one pound instead of the regular 4 pounds I was putting on while I was eating unhealthy. I finally felt like I was doing something right for my son, especially since I have not been exercising the way I should be either. When I went in for my three hour test, I was trying to be as relaxed and calm about it as I could be. I had read so much information (and nonsense as well) that I felt ready to do this, no matter what the outcome was going to be. The drink that I had to drink wasn't too bad the first time around, but this time around, it was double the amount and just point blank a lot of sugar to drink in five minutes. By the last few sips, I wanted to gag a bit. But I managed just fine. The 5 tubes of blood I gave throughout the test weren't bad. I enjoy watching the blood fill the tube for some reason... I find it quite fascinating, the whole process. After the first hour, I began to feel a bit queasy. After fasting all night and pumping all that sugar through my body, I was feeling pretty crappy, for lack of any other way to describe it. I just wanted to take a nap. It never got to the point where I felt like I was actually going to throw up however, thank goodness. When all was said and done, I left the office with the understanding that they would have the results the following afternoon and that they would give me a call as soon as they knew anything. I was satisfied with that wait time. But tomorrow afternoon came and went and I got no call. The following day, I still got no call, so I decided to call them, only to listen to the answering machine and find out they were closed until the next day. So, I had to wait. Two whole days, not knowing if I had passed or failed was driving me NUTS! Finally, I got a call, which went to voicemail since I was at work. It was the nurse asking me to please give her a call. I hated the sound of her voice. I expected the worst of news. I called back within a half hour and low and behold, I was told that not a single reading of the three hour test was abnormal!! =D I wanted to jump for joy and cry from relief. It was the most amazing feeling to know that I was healthy. I celebrated with a huge bowl of cereal! =)

I can honestly say, my health has never meant so much to me in my entire life. I've seen family members go through serious illnesses and scary situations regarding health, and I still have never been as scared for my own health as I was during this week and two days of waiting to find out if I had put my unborn son at risk for health complications simply because I was not eating right. I learned a lot about myself though. I think this scare was necessary to keep me on my toes about my and my families futures. Although I have yet to start exercising regularly... but I did order a prenatal yoga dvd from Netflix!! =)

Since we last "spoke," I have officially switched over from Cobleskill Regional Women's Health to St. Peter's Hospital. I met with my new midwife about two weeks ago. She's amazing. The moment I met her and was able to talk with her a bit, I knew she was someone I could really focus on during labor when I need some coaching and reassurance. I have my next appointment with her tomorrow. I'm getting really excited about going into labor. And super nervous, only because no matter how much I read, I still know that I will not be fully prepared for what's about to take place. No one can ever really be 100% ready, I believe. But I'm okay with the nerves I'm feeling. They aren't bad nerves, to say the least. They are motivational. I've been reading up a lot on my different options and choices for birth. Even though I plan on not having any pain medication, I have began researching the different kinds so that incase I do need to take that route, I can make smart decisions about which one's I would like to try. I've also began creating a playlist of songs to play during labor. =) Bob Marley is on the top of my list!! I've really come to love the option of the Leboyer Method labor. This method allows for a more relaxed birthing environment; music playing, lights low. It also involves massaging the baby directly after birth instead of smacking it to get him to take his first breath, as well as waiting to cut the umbilical cord until it stops pulsating, which also encourages the baby to take his first breath on his own instead of being forced to. It basically is supposed to reduce the stress the child goes through during delivery. I am going to talk to my midwife about this tomorrow. =)

Work has ben going good, I can't complain. Akeem has yet to find a job, so we are still living off my income alone. It's tough. Some days I cry and worry about it more than I should probably. Since I haven't been working for my job long enough, I do not qualify for maternity leave, family medical leave act or disability. So basically, when I leave to deliver, I have 72 hours of paid time off then I either have to return to work or resign. I'm really stressing this fact. How can I go back to work full time after not even two weeks of rest after delivery? But if I resign, how will I pay the $1700.00 worth of bills I have every month? Either way, I feel screwed. It's tough. I guess this is called being smack dab in the middle of real life. I know that if I do have to go back to work, I will be able to handle it. I know I can work slowly to build myself back up, and I know my co-workers will understand. What I'm most worried about, in all honesty, is being away from my son so much. I just want to be next to him. I don't want to have to leave him with Daddy and go to work. I wanna cry out and say, "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!" But such is life. I'm still looking at my options, but it just doesn't seem to be that there are many for us right now. Even just writing about it now makes me angry and want to cry. So, next subject.

I've discovered, I believe, the beginnings of my first few stretch marks!! On the front of my thighs. They are little and slightly purple. I'm not freaking out nearly as much as I thought I would have. =) And for the first time, I am really starting to feel sick, as in I-am-convinced-I've-got-a-cold sick. My throat hurts when I swallow and always feels dry, and my snot is changing colors slightly haha. (Not that you cared to know!) It really sucks. I've really started to feel the fatigue coming over me the past week or so. I hate having to get out of bed, and have (on more than one occasion) thrown a mini tantrum when it came time to get going and I just didn't want to. Akeem has been amazing at just keeping his distance and being understanding to my nonsense. My good spirits dwindle faster than ever, and I feel like crying more often. I finally admitted to myself out loud the other day (out of no where) that I think it's time to stop signing up for extra hours at work. 50 hours is just too much for me right now, and I have to accept that. I hate having to admit that though because I need that money. But my mental health is suffering, and I am worried I won't be mentally ready to have this baby when the time comes if I keep running myself like I am. I need to learn when to say "no." And I need to be okay with it once it's said. Just sitting here right now, every little thing seems to be annoying me more and more... like the video game noises and Akeem crunching super loud on his cheez-it's. I know when I start to feel this way, it's time for bed haha!

It feels good to bring you up to speed. I really have to let you know how much I appreciate you taking the time and interest in reading my progress here =) I love you with all my heart, and hope that you will continue to read and respond. I always look forward to hearing from you, no matter what it's about. I pray that you are in good health and smiling right now, and that we will catch up again soon! Until next post, all my love!!

29 weeks and counting down the days!

Happy February everyone! =) I can't believe it hardly that we've made it through January already. I've been so busy working non-stop and getting things taken care of, I've not stopped by to update you in forever! I know I couldn't possibly hope to remember everything since the last time we chatted, so this post will probably be random, yet informative and fun =)

Let's start with Christmas! December 24th, I got off work at 11pm. I was still upstate in my new apartment all by my lonesome, as Dean had not yet come up from the city to join me, so I drove out to my mom's house to be with my family for Christmas morning. Little did I know, (but I really put two and two together... long story) Dean was waiting for me at my mom's house!!! It was the most amazing Christmas gift eve. I walked into the house and my mom was still waiting up for me, because she said she had a special gift she wanted to give to me before she went to sleep ;) I stretched out on the floor to stretch out my back and all of a sudden, out of the darkness of the kitchen, Dean came walking out towards me!! I almost cried. It was so amazing to see him and have him home with me for the holidays! Since then, he's been upstate officially getting used to the upstate way of life lol. It was tough at first because he was home all day with nothing to do while i was out and working, but he's finally got himself an awesome job, he's working suuuper hard, and he's feeling great.

New Year's was cool. Dean and I went to my home town and out to a local bar (Yes, I said it, pregnant me went to a bar!!) It felt really strange at first, but then I decided whatever!! I'm not harming my child by spending time with a few old friends and enjoying the time. I was NOT drinking anything so, leave me be! Haha Since I didn't get off work til 11 though, we spent the actual count down in the car driving, but at least we were out of the house and with each other =) We stayed out til about 3 and then went to spend the night at my mom's house.

January's been a lot of work, my regular schedule as well as picking up all the extra hours I can stand. I've been doing really well, but lately, the past week or so, I've noticed I'm beginning to slow down a lot more. I crave naps like you wouldn't believe. I've also been having some trouble with my back and some pinched nerves (apparently) causing this numb spot under my right lower rib in the front. Depending on how I move, it goes numb, or a sharp pain shoots through it. I know this can't be normal. I went to a chiropractor but he didn't do jack bananas for me. If anything, he made it feel worse. So I never went back. I am currently waiting on my benefit card to come through to me from my job's health plan. This card has money set aside on it to pay for medical things such as OTC drugs, office visit co-pays and more. I can use it to pay for my chiropractor once I get it! Best believe once it comes in the mail, I'm heading to the best one in town! I need some serious readjusting!! Speaking of health issues, the current status is as follows. I've managed to fail my one hour blood glucose screening. =( Because I failed it, I have to go, this Wednesday, for my three hour test. Same procedure, only longer, more crap to drink and more blood to be drawn. BOO! If i manage to fail this one as well, I will be diagnosed as having Gestational Diabetes. I am scared to death =( When I first found out, I was floored that I had failed. Even though I know it may just have been the day, I am still so worried and feel to some extent that I have failed my son. I should have been eating better and exercising more. But go figure, I have a bigger sweet tooth now than ever before! They say, with GD, that once you give birth, it goes away. And that most of the time, it can be controlled with diet and exercise. But sometimes, you have to go on insulin shots. What I am most worried about is that having GD puts both myself, and more importantly, my son, at a higher risk for developing type 2 diabetes later in life. It also puts my son at a higher risk to be overweight in life (even though, I don't see that being a problem, both his father and I are decent size for our age/height.) And most scary, I could be putting myself at risk to have what they call a "big baby." This is where the child puts on more weight in the shoulder area making vaginal birth difficult (because the shoulders are too pig to pass past the pubic bone), and often resulting in a C-section!!! I'm not ready for all of that. Of course, the moment I found out I failed my first test (I should have been below 140 and I was at 180 for my glucose levels) I was on Google self diagnosing and figuring out what I had done wrong. Now I've probably made the situation a whole lot worse in my head than it really is. Regardless, the past few days I've been eating as healthy as I possibly can, hating every minute of it! =) I am such a huge cereal lover, and go figure, cereal is HORRIBLE for a diabetic! I've been trying to cut back on fruits, but it's so hard. I can't eat the new creamed honey that I just bought last weekend from the local farmer's market. There is a whole half gallon of chocolate ice cream in the freezer that's just calling out for me and I can't do anything about it! I am constantly having to watch my carb and sugar intake. This coming from someone whose modo is, "Embrace your curves! Eat well, live happily." (Everyone at my job, who was dieting after New Year's and I was stuffing my face, this is what I get, I know!) Today, after work, my mission is to go grocery shopping for all the stuff I can have; lean meats, protein, protein, protein, some cheese and soy milk... um non starchy veggies, and fiber filled fruits, some frozen low-fat yogurt (to curb my ice cream fetish) and there's even a cereal by the pharmacy section apparently that is made specifically for diabetics... of and whole grain everything... bread, pasta etc. Sounds like an amazing diet, huh.... NOT!! But I am willing to try my hardest for my son. No more Sweet-Tarts, Jessica!! =) I will keep you updated.

Well, I've run out of time right now. I've got to get to work... I will write again soon. I've got another short day tomorrow for work, so I will finish then. Until next time, all my love, and blessings! Stay warm and healthy and happy!! =)