Wednesday, December 16, 2009

22 weeks!! Updates... and a final due date!! (finally)

How's everyone doing? I sure do hope well, despite the freezing temperatures and craziness of the holidays! =) I sit here to give you some updates, back killing me, and in need of sleep(!!) but I love you all, so I decided it's time for an update!! That, and I know I won't have another free day until Sunday (possibly) so I need to take care of this now.

So, we left off last post with a messy apartment and a new job about to begin. The apartment is now in order, and the new job has begun! =) Haha Akeem and I worked all our first week here to get things in order before he went back to school. Just in time for him to leave back to school, we finished cleaning and organizing, with an extra day to spend with my family to top it all off. On Sunday the 6th, my parents and little siblings came down to the apartment and brought movies and pizza!! =) (I had left over pizza for a week!!) The 7th, I began training for my new job. I must say, it's been a lot of fun thus far. Learning some new things, and being able to refresh some old things has been more enjoyable and easier than I thought. The house I'm working at is wonderful. The staff are really supportive and funny and the house members are amazing. I finish up with the last few training's next week, the last being my driver certification!! (Two thumbs up!!) Once training is done, I will begin my regular weekly schedule. Wednesday through Saturday, with Sunday through Tuesday off. Nice. It feels amazing to be back to work and have some what of a routine once again. The paychecks don't hurt either =) I finally feel more secure with my finances and know I'm heading down the right path for my growing family.

Important dates to remember!! December 13th my niece(-in-law) was born!! =) The 14th was my little sister's 12th birthday!! The 15th, Mr. Avegno (the man who did the tattoo on my left rib cage), had his son, Julius!! Needless to say, I've had an amazing past week, with awesome news and lots of excitement about my growing boy!! With every birthday, I think I get more anxious for my son to be born already!! =) December 15th was also the very first time I was actually able to see my belly move on the outside when my son kicked me from the inside!! 3:28 pm, as I was sitting in training for work, I noticed my son kicking a bit harder than usual. I stopped paying attention in class and began paying attention to my belly. And sure enough, POP!! Out goes my belly, right on the left side (right side to you, if you were looking at me) of my belly button!! A HUGE smile flashed across my face. It was soooo amazing. Absolutely unexplainable. I used to wonder if it would feel creepy when my son would finally started to move. But now, all I want to do is feel him move. Every time he kicks, I always say to him, "Hi my son!" =) (or something along those lines... haha) Although I haven't began kick counts (it's still too early), I have been able to notice my son's "sleeping" and "waking" hours. He is usually most active around early afternoon, about 1:30p-3:30p, and again in late evening, about 7p-9p.

Some GOOD NEWS!! December 14th, I had my routine OB appointment with Mrs. Martha Harvey, my amazing midwife. Mommy came with me this time =) We were finally able to get the full and in-depth readings from my 3-D ultrasound in Albany two weeks ago. Martha was able to reassure me that everything, down to the last measurement, was perfectly normal with my son. He has no sign of any mental delay nor sign of any neural tube defects. My blood work came back saying that I will never have a child with cystic fibrosis, since I am not a carrier for the disease. All of my son's major bones are present, all fingers and toes counted for. All measurements of bones and other lengths are similar on each side, and his head is growing in great proportion to his body. At 22 weeks, my uterus is measuring 22 inches in size. She was also able to give me an updated & FINAL due date... I am now officially due APRIL 19th, 2010!! The only shocking thing, I've gained 10LBS. since my last appointment, just a month ago!! No WONDER my back's been killing me!! I am officially 150lbs!! Holy momma! =) No problemo to me... only, I need to get some back strengthening exercises in the mix, because I'm already up about 20lbs and my, oh, my that's been a lot to carry on my front side. My poor back's been crying out pain, keeping me up at night and forcing me to lay out on the floor on my left side just about every hour at work to stretch it out!! Thank goodness I've got an understanding supervisor and fellow staff members, and a wonderful job that allows me the opportunity to take a short break every hour to stretch my aching muscles!! This reminds me of another date to remember... December 10th... I woke up in the middle of the night with my very first pregnancy leg cramp!! Ouch! Although I didn't yell, like everyone asks, I woke with a jerk, and noticed that I was automatically straightening my right leg out, heel down, toe up!! (At least my body knew how to correct the cramp the right way, even while I was out of it!)

Today I got the opportunity to do some holiday shopping with my Mommy and my Auntie Linda, after work. It was an amazing afternoon!! We had some great laughs. And, I was able to get baby daddy some Christmas gifts!! ;) Lin also got to visit my new apartment and got to meet Muffin!! =) Once they left, of course I cried for a little bit... I am beyond emotional these days! It's been a little tough coming home to just my kitty every day. I love Muffin to death, but she doesn't talk back haha. I'm just trying to be a patient as possible for Akeem to get up here to make this apartment feel like home...

On that note, they say that the emotions are best controlled with a good night's rest under the belt, so this tired momma is off to dreamland. =) Training again tomorrow and then work all evening. I'm sure we will catch up again soon. Until next post, all my love!!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Finally, the BIG move =)

I did good this time! I made it back to you before three weeks passed. =) Not much new to update, but here's what I've got.

This past weekend, we finally moved into our new apartment! =) Being that I had to work most of the weekend, my family was nice enough to move me in without me being there with them. (Say I don't have the most amazing family in the history of all families!!) So, this week has been the week to get organized, cleaned up, and make it into "home." It's been a little emotional. I love being out on my own again, but I miss mommy =) And now has the stress over money hit me or what! But, I continue to take it one day at a time. By the end of this weekend, I plan to have everything done in the apartment, so that by the time I start work next week, I can just come home and relax and not worry about cleaning or arranging anything. Akeem has been up here this week as well to help with moving and cleaning. He's been the most amazing help, handling all of the chemical cleaning so that I wouldn't have to get down and too dirty =) He really is my Mr. Amazing!! (Iailwym.h) =) But Sunday, December 6th, he head's back to school to finish up his last two weeks. =( I can't wait already until he's done for good, and I can come home to him every day.

This past Monday, November 30th, I went for my 3-D sonogram. I mixed up the 3-D and 4-D and thought it was going to be different than what it really ended up being, but it was still nice. Mom and Akeem came with me. It took about 45 minutes. The tech and the doctor took their time getting an image from every important angle they could, and here comes the best part... EVERYTHING LOOKS JUST FINE!! =) This was the ultrasound to determine whether or not my son possibly has any neural tube defects. The doctor told me that although things look just fine, there is always a possibility still that the technology used didn't catch something. I understand that this is always a possibility, but it feels good to be reassured that all looks well thus far and my son is the right proportions, measurements, and weight. And leave it to Miss. Pregnant over here to lose the four pictures from the sonogram. (I am still on the search for them, so as soon as I find them, I will post them to my Facebook page!!) During the sonogram, my son was (again) on his tummy the whole time just about. He wasn't moving as much this time as he was last time though. We got to see his little legs crossed at the ankles and see his feet and hands. And we were reassured that yes, he is a boy! =)

After the sonogram, Mom, Akeem and I went shopping around and looked at some nursery things (i.e. crib, bedding, car seats... etc) You name it, we looked at it. Akeem was getting a bit. okay, a lot annoyed having to shop with two females al day long!! =) It was fun while he got to help decide big things, like crib choice and bedding/theme choice, but when it came to me trying on some maternity pants, he was ready to go home. =) I am thankful that he was with us though. We didn't get anything set up in a registry yet, but at least we were able to compare a few things at different places and we've got the ball rolling. And yes, I finally bought two pairs of maternity pants and a "Tummy Tube" thingy to go over my regular non-maternity pants to help hold them up. Yesterday, December 3rd, I finally, for the first time, wore maternity pants!! They are still just a bit big, but everyone tells me in a month they won't be!! =) Although the weight and body changes are really making my back ache sometimes, I am really excited to see my belly grow. As the days go on, I continue to get more emotional... it's been really difficult some days. But everyone has been really sweet at just trying their best to "deal with me." =)

Today, December 4th, 2009 I decided to put my hand on my belly where I could feel my son kicking and I WAS ABLE TO FEEL HIM THROUGH MY TUMMY!! It was super exciting to know that other people will soon be able to feel him when he moves too, not just Mommy =) Daddy was laying next to me in bed this morning and I tried to let him feel the movement, but go figure, as soon as he put his hand on my tummy, our son stopped moving.

Anyways, my mind is in a jumble right now and I can't think of much else to write... I'm headed over to my grandmother's house tonight with my mom and little sister to help decorate the christmas tree!! This should be nice, since I will get to see my aunts and cousins and none of them have seen me since I've become pregnant!! =) I will let you know how it goes!! I will also keep you updated about my new job starting the 7th!! Wish me luck!! Until next post, all my love =)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

HAPPY THANKSGIVING =)

Ok, so by now I guess I don't have to say a word about the fact that I am simply horrible at keeping this blog updated! (Shameful face right about now...) It's gonna get better, once I have Wi-Fi around =) But now to begin where we left off...

After some deliberation, I believe I have finally chosen the hospital I will deliver at; St. Peter's in Albany. I was delivered at this hospital myself! In fact, my mother says the doctor who delivered me still works there! But on the topic of doctor's I might as well say this... FORGET THAT! =) I choose midwife all the way, baby!! I know a midwife will ultimately have to have a doctor backing her up, but if everything goes as planned, or closely resembles an "as planned" route, then doc shouldn't have to step in. I've been doing a lot of reading, reading, reading and am begining to find other mommy friends to talk to about birthing plans. My OB-GYN, after I explained to her how I wanted to go about with the birth of my son, suggested that I most definitely go with a midwife. She herself is a midwife, however she only works exclusively for Cooperstown Hospital, and seeing that I am moving out to Schenectady, I've decided that an hour and a half trip to the hospital during labor might just prove to be more than I feel like dealing with =) I was a little torn when I had to leave Mrs. Martha, but she was able to give me some names and numbers of a few excellent midwives (whom she actually trained herself!!) who work at St. Peter's. Now I am in the process of getting my Medicaid and P-CAP to transfer from one county to another... playing the waiting game. Once all of the paperwork goes through, I assume it will be okay to contact St. Peter's and let them know, I'm COMING!! =)

My birthing plans are as follows... (and yes, I am very aware that my hope and wishes for labor and delivery may turn upside down and backwards, depending on the circumstances... but a girl can dream!!) I really want to do an all natural birth. NO EPIDURAL!! Boo to them. =) And I've read all about how to massage (or even how to let my partner ;) massage) my "area down there" starting week 34-36 to make things more supple to stretching instead of ripping... so I am hoping for NO EPISIOTOMY!! To assist in my hope for no episiotomy, I believe I would like to go with the laboring position of the squat... feel flat, knees apart, crouched down like you're squatting to pee outside in the woods! =) Sexy image, isn't it. Haha The reason I've taken a liking to this position is for a few different reasons, actually. The first reason is because for first time labors, it really helps to widen the hips and whole area basically, allowing for less ripping or tearing. Second, the idea of gravity handling it's own business makes pretty good sense to me! If I'm squatting, I am already in position for my son to just... drop on into the world! They say the squatting potition helps reduce labor by an average of 26 minutes. My third reason for wanting to deliver in this position is, women in several other countries seem to choose this position for tranquil reasons. In India, women almost 100% of the time deliver in this position, and the need for medication or routine cutting of the vaginal opening is in the single diget percentile. Two thumbs up!! The squatting position also releases the preassure on the back during contractions. BUT... if for any reason, squatting just isn't my thing, my second choice will be on all fours, doogy style baby. Haha Or even possibly a birthing stool or ball. All of these choices deviate from the painful and uncomfortable (so I've heard) on your back position. With the back pains I've already been experiencing, I am more than ready to sign up for less back pain during delivery! =)

I 200% plan on breastfeeding!! I would ultimately like to solely breastfeed for one whole year, no solid foods introduced. This, again, may not be practical or ideal for my situtions down the road but for now, I think it would be really beneficial to my son. I've read a lot about the dangers of sugars in certain baby foods before one year of age and the possibilities of allergies to certain foods developing in the baby's first year of life, and all of these studies show that solely breastfeeding for the child's entire first year can cut back on these risks. Who knows what will happen down the road... but again, I can dream =)

On Monday, November 30th, I will be heading down to the Women's Health Group office within the Albany Med. division for a 3D/4D sonogram!! =) I am super excited to see my son again, and in 3D non the less! It's going to be as if I were holiding him right in front of me =) I will get to see his facial features and all!! Plus, my mommy (Grandma Penny) and Akeem a.k.a Daddy will be there to witness, a first time for both of them to see my son in action!! I have a feeling it's going to be an emotional day... The only downside to it, is that the reason I am having to get this test done is to moniter my son's spinal cord to make sure that everything is developing correctly. My younger sister, Abigail, was born (unknowingly, until she was 7) with some neural tube defects; her spinal cord never closed off on the top, thus creating a pool of spinal fluid in her brain!! She had to go through 3 consecutive brain surgeries to correct the problem. My little sister was very lucky that we caught her case when we did, otherwise it could have been life threatening. Neural tube defects can lead to paralization of the arms and legs, brain damage, and even (in the most extreme cases) mental retardation (downs syndrom) and death. I have faith that my son is developing properly, but there is still that small 20% chance that he hasn't... we are keeping him in our prayers and crossing our fingers and toes!! I'm so thankful my mom is going with me to this appointment, so that she can get a better look at whats going on. She's super smart when it comes to asking the right questions for medical things. Overall, I am confident we will only hear good news!! =)

Other news, we finally have a date set to sign our new lease for our new apartment! Saturday, November 28th, we will officially be residents of Schenectady, NY =) But we won't have power til Monday the 30th haha but that's ok. I have to house sit for the 'rents this weekend anyway. On Saturday however, during the day, Akeem and I plan on moving in as many little things as we can fit in my car, as well as clean everything top to bottom in the apartment before getting the big stuff in there. (Just thinking now though, it might be kinda hard to do so without water... maybe it's just the hot water that won't work yet? We shall see...) Although I work 8am to 10pm on Sunday, my parents and Akeem plan on moving all the big things in (i.e. the bed, entertainment stand, couch etc.) Then during the week that follows, I will have the apartment to myself to get things situated and moved around to how they look presentable. I'm super excited to get moved in, cleaned up, and settled down. I can't wait for that first home cooked meal in my new apartment =)

Besides all that movement in life, I am in the process of starting plans and preparations for my baby showers!! I know, I know, I'm supposed to let someone else do them for me... but I really want to be a part of it. I think it's exciting. Plus, I already know when it's gonna be... so just let me help =D I have already picked out colors (chocolate brown, sky blue, mint green) and am trying to decide what I want to do for souveniers. Any ideas? I want to do something along the lines of something useful (i.e. candles, candy etc.) instead of giving out dust collectors for your shelf! =) I should also be starting a registry this weekend sometime... there are so many choices of where to go to... I've got no idea where to start really. But I think Babies R Us and Wal Mart will be my main options, seeing as to how they are most accesable to friends and family invited. I will let you know links and such as they come about =)

So, now that we are at the end of this post, I won't promise another updadte soon. Maybe that will break the jinx on taking forever to do so =) I will say simply, a Happy Thanksgiving to all! I pray that you are all out enjoying this holiday in whatever manner you see fit. I know I've done a lot of thinking today about my family and friends whom I value most in my life. I come to realize quite a bit about myself as well. And of course, I am most thankful this year for the little blessing in my uterus!! =) And thankfu for the family that his father and I will be bringing him into. We are going to have the luckiest son in the world (in our eyes!!) Until next post, all my love and blessings for serenity! =)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

BFF's Birthday, Baby shower, visiting Akeem and WHAT AM I HAVING??? BOY?? GIRL?? ;)

Hello, Hello, Hello!! Again, I have been MIA for the past few weeks... my apologies. With work and then running back and forth between Liberty, NYC, and upstate, I've been going non-stop. The last thing I want to do these days is get on this computer (because when I do, I tend to be here for HOURS! lol) I write to you now as I sit here watching The Price Is Right and eating chicken noodle soup! =) I've got pleanty to catch you up on though, so here we go.

Let's start with the weekend of October 23rd!! My bestfriend (no spaces) =) MELISSA GOENAGAAAA's 22nd SUPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTAYYY!! It was hosted by yours truely and set up by her one & only boobie John H. ;) I can't even tell you what a success it was. So many people from Spirit Cruises showed up to help celebrate!! (Thank you sooo mcuh guys, you made it what it was!) Of course, I forgot my camera, so I have no pictures, but I know Melly has a few. John took her out to the movies while we all snuck into her house to set up. We all helped to blow up balloons galore and get the drinks and food ready. I was worried there wouldn't be enough liquor for everyone, but then everyone surprised me and brought a bottle as a gift, so we had more than enough! I was able to remember (with my pregnancy brain) to bring Melly her birthday gift from me =) (a jar of homemade pickles!!) Lol she LOVED 'em!! Shout out to my step-dad Peter!! According to Melly, he's the best pickler in the world! Haha By about midnight, I couldn't stay awake any longer so I had to leave the festivities, but she was already too tipsy to be mad that I was skipping out =) She looked so gorgeous!

Saturday night, that same weekend, Akeem and I attended our friend T's baby shower. It was so much fun. Even though I am pretty sure (other than the kids) I was the only one NOT getting drunk =) we still had an amazing time. I've been to a ton of baby showers in the past, but being at one while poregnant really brought on a whole other emotion for me. It was funny to watch the games going on and then the music and dancing and everyone just having a blast. (Baby showers in the city are a far bit more different than the ones we have here upstate... in the city, baby showers start at 6 or 7pm and last until midnight or later. There is always a ton of homecooked food and liquor for days. Once the food has been eaten and the gift's have been opened, the lights go down and the real party begins. Loud music is played all throughout the night (except during gift time) and people dance like it's a club!!) It's hysterical to watch everyone acting a fool once they get drunk =) I used to be one of those fools. Is it strange that I feel like I may never drink again?!? Yuck... even the smell of alcohol now a days makes me want to throw up. I really enjoyed being able to observe the baby shower though. I got some really great ideas for my shower in the city and I just can't wait... it's going to be so amazing. =) T is having a baby boy as well. The clothes he got were soooo cute!! I can't wait to dress up my child lol. By about midnight we left the baby shower and headed back to Grandma Prem's house for the night (Akeem's mommy.)

On Sunday, we headed over to Melly's house again to play some RckBand: The Beatles Edition =) I was myself, Melly, Akeem, John and Ashely all playing. It was funny as hell to see us all rocking out. We played for a good three hours or so and then just spent time hanging out together. By about 7:30pm Akeem and I left to head back up to his school. I had planned on making it to Woodbury Commons to get some maternity pants, but we missed it. (I've tried a few times to get maternity pants now and something always happens where I don't get the change to go and get some.) I really do need to get some here shortly. I still fit into my current jeans, however, its getting a liiittle bit more difficult to wiggle into them. My hips and rear end have really begun to... expand... lol. My belly isn't that big yet, but oh BOY I know it will start to grow soon. =)

As for the rest of the week that followed, nothing much special happened... just worked and worked. Akeem came upstate for Halloween and stayed until Monday. I drove him back to school in the morning, planning to come back and go on an interview that afternoon but my interview was cancelled so I was able to stay the entire day with him at school. It was really nice. I got to take a nap cuddled up in his bed while he went to class. We got to hang out and I got to meet some new people that are new at school. I went to work with him, and we ate lunch together. Then we took another nap in the evening together haha. We went to Wal*Mart so he could get a few things for his room and then cooked dinner in the dorm room haha! By midningt, I left to head back home. It was the best day ever. I love being able to hang out in his "space." He is so often coming upstate here, that it was really nice to get away from that normal pattern for a day. It really made me think seriously about the whole "babymoon" thing =) I've already started planning shhh ;) OH, OH, OH!! While I was at his school, there was a brief moment I swear I felt the baby move. It was just a sweep across the inside on my left side. It was quick and I only felt it once, so I may be wrong, but something about the movement just felt... different. It wasn't a gas bubble, I don't believe. But I am only in my 15th week, and they do say it can take up to 18 weeks before you start to feel movement... paitently waiting =)

And as for this week, I must say, it has been one of my most exciting yet!! BREAKING NEWS!! Yesterday, November 4th, I found out I am going to have a BOY!! A SON!!! IT'S GOING TO BE A BOYYYYY!!! =D I wasn't expecting at all to be able to tell so soon, but thank goodness my baby boy stuck his butt out towards us, legs WIDE open and there it was!! A weee weeee!!! Haha!! It was sooo magical to see! When I first discovered I was pregnant, I had a gut feeling it was a boy, but as time continued and I was reading up on all the old wives tales and each person would tell me something different, I began to be more and more unsure. I eventually just admitted to myself that I was convinced that I had no idea what it was going to be on Monday this week. I mean, I've been craving hot sauce and vegetable like nuts (supposed to be a sign that it's a boy) but the main area(s) of my weight gain so far and been in my butt, hips and thighs (sign that it's a girl!!) Plus, I was told that if you are emotional, it'a a girl and if you are angry more often, it's a boy. I've definitely been emotional. Full House made me cry the other day... lol. But then my mom told me yesterday that she should have figured I would be having a boy... she said she was never as emotional as I was and she had two girls. I guess it just goes to prove that there is no set way to tell what your child will be until you pop it out! =) My boss walked into work yesterday and told me, "It's a boy." I said, "How did you know?!" She told me, "I can just tell by the way you're carrying... it's down low." I told her that yes, it was a boy!! As for where I'm carrying, yes, it is very low. Everything in below my belly button. It's wierd because when I lay down and start pressing lightly from down low to up higher, as soon as I hit my belly button, it's squishy again, not hard. So I could tell my baby was sitting low, but I just figured it was low because it was tiny still... but nope, it's low because IT"S A BOYYYYY and it's tiny still lol. I can't wait to get my big basketball looking belly!! I must say, I really do enjoy being pregnant. It's amazing =) During the ultrasound, my son was moving like nuts! He was first facing down, then he faced out towards us, then he flipped up real quick and the tech snapped a picture, and then he was facing down again. He would not stay still for a good picture. And his legs were kicking a mile a minute!! Haha it was so funny to watch. It looked like he was jumping on a trampoline or something. And as soon as the tech shows me his penis, he goes and puts his hand on it!! LOL!! The tech said, typical boy, they always find it!! Haha this news really made daddy laugh... like father, like son!! I was able to see my son's brain, heart, stomache, and bladder. Everything was right size, and running perfect tech said. She alos let me know when she showed me his brain that when my son is a teenager and acts like he has no brain, I can officially say I've seen it, so I know he's got one!! =) Yesterday, after the ultrasound, I also got some more bloodwork done for a quad screen and to see if I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis. I made an appointment for December 4th at 9am for my 3-D sonogram to take a closer look at the spine to make sure there is no neural tube defects (which I might be at high risk for since my sister had some.) So please, keep my son in your prayers! Let's pray he's growing strong and healthy. With the way he was flipping and swimming around, he loks like he's gonna be a hand full! =) The tech asked me if I had felt any movement yet, with the way he was moving. She told me it shouldn't be long, he seems to be active =)

Well, I've got to get going now, I've got a job interview at 3 and i need to get my butt into the shower!! I will write again SOON!! I promise =) Next to come, birthing plans, hospital and doctor choices, the next big move into our new apartment, and nursery plans!! I will post pictures very soon as well! Until next post, all my love!!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Two weeks too long!! All sorts of updates...

Well, well. Hello again, after a considerable amount of time! I am so sorry I've not been around to update you! I've been telling myself to get on this dang computer and update, but then I always find something else to do, like nap or eat haha! But I'm back now, and with pleanty of new news and updates and information. =)

Lets begin with my move upstate!! October 4th, 2009 the family came down to NYC with the truck and the trailer to pack me up and move me on out! By the time they got to the apartment, I hadn't finished packing (of course) but everyone chipped in to help me throw what I hadn't packed into plastic bags (since all my plastic tubs were full!) and load it into the trailer. I had the majority of my packed things outside the front door already, so while my brother and step-dad put all that stuff in the trailer, mom did my dirty dishes and I picked up random odds and ends. It was a bit hectic. But despite everything, we were able to pack and clean up the apartment in about 45 minutes. I went upstairs to say my good-bye's to my landlord and collect my mail and the money he owed me for moving out early, and we were on the road! It all happened so quickly that on the ride home I was feeling a little sad, more so than I expected.

My first few days back upstate went well. I started bringing in all my clothes and certain things I use every day from the trailer. The majority of my stuff is still out in the trailer however. I am sleeping, for the time being, in my old room (now the spare bedroom) until my step-dad's parents move in for the winter. When they join us, I will be sharing a bedroom with my little sister. As for now, plans are still that I will be in my parents' house until early December, but I am currently looking for apartments all over as well. If I find something worth it, I will move in as soon as possible. The toughest part of this whole move I believe, has been for my cat, Muffin. Being a "City cat" she's not used to outside or other animals. Now she's living with 4 other people, 2 other cats, and a dog! She is constantly hiding and isn't eating well. She's afraid to use the litter box so shes peed on my clothes and on the couch upstairs in the living room. Funny thing is, she poops in the litter box though. We tossed her outside this past weekend after we found out she peed on the couch and then she crawled under the house and has been under there all weekend. Last night I finally crawled under there to grab her. I've got her in my room again now, with her own separate litter set up. She's eating better now and using the litter box, but she's still scared to death of everyone and everything new. I don't know what I am going to do when Grandma and Grandpa move in, because I can't keep the litter in there then or give her the privacy she is really looking for to feel comfortable. I'm really afraid this might not work out having her up here. IF ANYONE IS LOOKING FOR A CAT, ABOUT 1 YEAR OLD, FOR A QUIET FAMILY, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!! I really want to give her to a family who I know will take care of her well. If I can't find someone, I might have to drop her at a farm some place. =( My mom just really hates her here and peeing on things. I don't know why she's doing it either! She's never peed on the floor or anything else for that matter since I've had her! She just can't be around other pets I guess. She feels threatened maybe? If anyone has advise, please let me know! =)

Other than that, my first week here was all about getting back to work at my old job! I had to get fingerprinted and drug tested and fill out paperwork galore. I took a driving test to be certified by the agency and now I am all good to go! I began working again this past Monday! =) This past Tuesday, I went to pick up my new (used) car!! I bought a 2007 Toyota Camry. They were able to give me a really great deal and I had some money saved up to put a decent downpayment. It feels so amazing to have a car again, let me tell you. Nice and expensive, but amazing. I forgot how much I love driving. It is so relaxing to me. No more waiting for trains and busses outside in the cold weather!! =) I personally would have lifed to get something a little more sporty, but I have to be family efficient now ;) This car is amazing though. It's in beautiful shape and has a ton of space without being a huge car. It is really comfortable. And perfect for a family of three! I've already driven it down to Akeem's school to pick him up this past Wednesday and bring him upstate here for the weekend! (Sadly, I had to take him back to school again last night.) I miss him oh so much, but we had a great weekend together. We were able to visit some friends and relax, we got to look at some furniture a friend of my mom's is selling (possible additions to our new place), and we ever started looking at some houses to rent. We would really like to be in a house all to ourselves instead of in an apartment, and my partent's are thinking about investing in some real estate to rent out, so it may work out for the best for us all! (Having my mom as my landlord, who would have ever thought!) I really hope we can make that tiny desire come true.

Also, last week, I went to my first prenatal appointment here upstate! I went to the Women's Health Group at Cobleskill hospital. I met my doctor, Martha (whom I adore already), and got everything routine taken care of. I got to pee in a cup, get my blood drawn, get a height (5'7") and weight (137.7lbs) check, and a full STD check through a pap smear! Now I should be good to go! I was able to talk to Martha about all my concerns with my pregnancy due to my sister's neural tube defect, and she assured me that she would make sure I got all the proper care and attention to check into these problems. She prescribed me extra folic acid on top of my prenatal vitamin just to be on the safe side, since folic acid is most important to baby's development. At this appointment, although I didn't get to see baby, I did get to hear the heatbeat again with a little hand held audio sonogram! =) She said the heartbeat was about 160 bpm; still very strong and healthy. It's really strange to hear that heartbeat, I tell ya. On one hand, it is absolutely amazing to know that there is a human inside of me. On the other hand, it's kinda creepy to know there is a human inside me!! =) I love it though. Every day I am becoming more and more excited about becoming a mommy! I set up my next ultrasound and quad screening for November 4th. At that time, I will have reached 15 weeks. Martha told me after that appointment, we would schedule another ultrasound down in Albany (the 3-D ultrasound) for a closer look at baby's body development, just to see if everything is growing correctly. She said they like to do that around 18 to 20 weeks. I'm really hoping when I go for that appointment that they will be able to tell me what I will be having!! They say it is easiest to tell between weeks 18 and 22. But then again, I kind of don't want to know what I'm having either... any suggestions? Should I figure it out? Or should I let it be a surprise! On one hand, I really want it to just be a surprise. But on the other hand, I wonder, since this is my first child and I am already as unprepared as a person can get, should I find out what it will be to be able to better plan for baby shower gifts?!? I know a lot of people find it easier to shop for a specific sex. I don't know... I kinda just want to know for this one. Maybe my next pregnancy I can let it be a surprise. =) I know daddy wants to know if he's having a son or a daughter, that's for sure!! =) Names are still not coming to us either. Maybe if we just know what it is, it will be so much simpler to think of names haha. We both have pleanty of names individually picked out, but I think all his names sound like little old people and he thinks my names will be cause for our child to be picked on for the rest of its life!! Haha!! (I like names like Jupiter, Malikai, Kyrie, Ophelia, Greyson... he likes names like Betsy and Rosalee... enough said!) Anyone have baby name suggestions?!? HELP!! =) Be a part in naming our baby!! I should start a contest... =) If it's a boy, we've already got middle names picked out. It will be [First Name] Vincent Schuyler Spence. If it's a girl, one middle name will be Schulyer (last name Spence, obviously) but we still need first names and another middle name for a girl. IDEAS, IDEAS!! =)

Other than all that, not much else is new. I guess there wasn't as much to update as I thought =) I know that I need to start walking everyday. I'm being really lazy and not doing that yet. Without a solid work schedule yet until the end of October, I'm not really working mcuh yet, unless people call me and ask me to cover last minute. I've inquired about yoga classes, and really need to get signed up. So, with that being said, I need to get my butt away from this computer and go excersize!! Have a wonderful day everyone, I promise I will be back more often to update you all. Until next post, all my love!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Lazy momma... packing for the move!

Nightmares continue, but I finally found out that if I fall asleep to some light classical music, I tend to sleep better than ever. I actually (finally) had a good dream the other day during a nap about searching for and buying some sexy "undergarments" ;) Funny though how in my dream I was searching for something sexy and something that would cover my "baby pooch." I never thought dreams were this reflective of actual life.

Sleeping is becoming more and more difficult for some reason. I will be cold all day long, but as I get ready for bed and actually lay down, I feel like I am laying in dead summer heat. It often takes me about 45 minutes to an hour to fall asleep. I am still waking, on average, every 2 to 3 hours to pee.

I am getting excited and nervous about moving. My apartment looks like a disaster, however I refuse to clean it since I will just have to re-clean one last time once I get all my stuff out. I have started packing my things. I went to Target and bought some big plastic tubs to store everything in. It would have been cheaper to plastic bag everything, but since this is one of a few moves that I will be making while pregnant, I decided it would be easier, not to mention more environmentally conscious to spend a little extra now to tote things around in. Mom said she would be here this Sunday around 8 or 9 am, so I hope to be back upstate and settled in around dinner time. The best part about this move will be the lack of actual helping I will have to do =) Being pregnant seems to make people a lot more prone to helping you out when it comes to lifting heavy things!!

Akeem left for Jamaica yesterday and won't be back until the 11th of October, so lucky him gets to miss the moving out process. Unfortunately, he's gone because of a death in the family, so I bet he wishes almost that he could be here instead of there, considering the circumstances. I didn't plan on moving until the day he got back, so that he could help, but my landlord is so anxious to get me out, that he offered to give me back half of my rent if I managed to move out this weekend instead! Fine by me! Just made a few calls to some strong friends and the move is good to go.

Today is my official last day of work, however I will still get paid for another week or so since I have accrued some time off that I never used. And by next week I should be back to work at my old job upstate. I am really looking forward to getting a simpler schedule back on track so I can focus more on relaxation.

I haven't grown much since the last belly picture. I measured the other day and I am 32 inches around! But since I never measured in the beginning, I can't tell exactly how much I've expanded. I know my jeans are a bit snug these days still, but I have my days where I know I am just more bloated than anything. Even though I'm no where near as big as I will eventually be, my body is really feeling the effects of being pregnant already. My shoulder was killing me the other day, and for the past two days, my lower back and abdomen are really feeling the stretch taking place inside. I feel like no matter how I sleep, my back just isn't comfortable. I wonder how much worse this will get as I grow! I've decided that it may be time to buy that mommy pillow that is supposed to do wonders... the "U" shaped pillow. But then again, I would like some opinions on that, because it seems to me like it may be a waist of money... I think that sticking a few body pillows, which I already have, or even regular pillows around, under or between areas of my body might work just as well. I think I really need to get to some stretching every day as well. I just feel out of shape right now, mostly.

Made my first pre-natal appointment upstate with Women's Health Group. October 14th I will go in for all the blood work and testing needed to make sure that mommy and baby are all healthy and ready to continue. Hopefully EMC clinic here in the Bronx will have mailed my needed paperwork by then so that I won't have to go through another sonogram (not that I would mind seeing my lil' bean again and hearing the heartbeat!) But it would just be simpler and faster if EMC would send the paperwork I already have. =) Since I don't have insurance right now, I need to look in to Medicaid and I need a butt load of paperwork for that as well, so the sooner I get it all together, the sooner I will feel more secure.

Again yesterday, the woman I spoke with on the phone at Women's Health Group estimated (based on my last period) that I was about 12 weeks... but I am only 10 weeks. So, now I see why the first woman thought I was two weeks farther than I really was as well. I guess all my timing was just off. Miracle baby? =)

I am trying to fight through being tired all the time, but I just feel so lazy... and I am still hungry... alllll the time. But all I seem to have left to eat in my house is cereal and soup. And neither one have been very appealing the past few days. It's like I'm hungry but have no idea what I want to eat. I crave fruit all the time still. And I haven't been eating any over the past few days because I refuse to go grocery shopping as well, since I leave in TWO DAYS! I don't need to buy anything else right now, and I don't think I could go into the supermarket and just buy fruit. In Target last night I had to pull myself away from buying some Ritz crackers for the block of Cracker Barrel cheese I have in my fridge... But, I am told that first trimester is time for being lazy. Everyone says enjoy the quiet time and the chance to have nothing to do, compared to when baby comes! Supposedly, in a few weeks (around week 17-ish) I should be more like my "old" self, energy-wise. Looking forward to it.

Until next post, all my love!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Nightmares, baby's first gift, planning my move...

Good morning! =) September is almost over, and in a few days, I will officially be entering my third lunar month of pregnancy, according to my pregnancy journal. I am still living in the Bronx, but as of Sunday, October 4th, 2009, I will be heading back upstate to reside for the remainder of my pregnancy and birth of baby! I am so sad to be leaving the city-- NYC has been my home for the past 5 years almost, throughout all of college. I have learned so much from this city and from the people here. My eyes have been opened to a whole other world of possibilities other than what I was raised to know. I am so grateful to have had the opportunities I have had thus far. But one of the most important lessons I have learned for myself is that I do not ever wish to raise a family within the city. I feel that this is more of a place for young 20 something's searching for and following their dreams to stardom =) I'm not saying that my dreams have disappeared, but I now have to rearrange some of my dreams as this current dream of starting a family begins to become a reality. Eventually, I would like to move back closer to the city, but never as directly in it as I am now (unless of course, when I am rich and famous and can afford to have a flat in SoHo!) Haha... I feel that, right now, what I need most of all is a quite, relaxing place to be able to focus more on the positive in life. I have read that by 4 or 5 months, baby begins to build receptors for emotions based on how mommy is feeling. This means that if mommy is stressed out often, baby can be born with a heightened sense for stress, thus being stressed out more easily than calmer babies. I don't know how true this is, but it makes sense to me. Akeem has some family in the city, but the majority lives in Jamaica. All of my family, basically, lives in the upstate region on New York. So, to make things a bit easier, we have decided that being around my family more might help us out. We have agreed that at least once or twice a month we will visit the city for a weekend so that his family and our friends have a chance to bond with baby as well. Not only will it be more relaxing and will we be closer to family, but living is just, simply, easier upstate. Right now, we reside in a studio apartment, paying $850 a month! Although I have yet to find a specific apartment to move into upstate, I have been looking and have been able to price 2-bedroom apartments for approximately $650 a month or less. I tell you, paying rent upstate is going to feel like I'm cheating someone out of money somehow, after being used to the super high prices in the city! I am excited to get a car back again as well. After my car was crashed in 2007, I never bothered to get another one, because living in the city, not only could I hardly ever find parking, but I think I ended up paying more in parking tickets than I did for insurance monthly! And lets not even talk about when alternate side parking "allows" cars from the other side of the street to side park next to you while that side is being cleaned. If you have hopes of going anywhere and someone parks next to you, you are going to be taking public transportation, no if's and's or but's about it. There is nothing you can do to get your car out. Lol So, yes. I am ready to come back "home" for a while. =) So this week means packing for me! I really don't have much, since my apartment can't hold much as it is. My parents have agreed to let me reside in their house until Akeem and I know for sure where we will be heading to. Right now, it all depends on what school he is accepted to. He is looking at Oneonta and Albany, which ever one has the best Communications & Media Arts program, or something similar. The idea of moving upstate initially was actually his idea, believe it or not. Although I wasn't comfortable 100% with having a baby in the city, I was ready to be flexible with the idea and do my best. But one day, Akeem actually came to me and expressed his desire to move. He let me know that he would rather not raise his child here, if he had other choices. I was really proud of him, to say the least. He was really showing concern for me and our future, and I appreciated that. We set conditions. I told him I thought it would be an amazing idea, but that he should really transfer schools then, since I don't want him to give up on school just because we were having a baby. He said he had no problem doing that. My parents are being awesome and letting me stay with them until December when Akeem finishes up at his current school and can then move upstate. It all seems to be working out and falling into place, just as life usually seems to do. The only thing I am NOT looking forward to about moving back upstate.... WINTER!!! A snow day to NYC is 4 inches... a snow day to upstate NY is 4 feet! Haha All well, I survived it for this long... I suppose I can make it through =)

Okay, so lets move on to these nightmares I've been having. They began about two weeks ago, and have happened almost consistently every night since they've began. I woke from the first one literally crying into my pillow. Not just sobbing, but full on crying-- tears, snot, short of breath. The dream was about getting into a car accident with my little sister. In the dream, she was dying on the ground and although I had tried to do everything for her, I could still find no help. I knew she was going to die, so eventually I just laid down next to her to hold her. I began to cry in my dream, and that's when I woke up crying. It was so real, so intense that I had to say out loud to myself, it was just a dream. I tried to call my mom to make sure everything was okay, but she was working and didn't pick up. My sister was in school. And it took me a good three minutes to stop crying even after I had woke up. The next night, I had a dream that I was walking down the hill by my current apartment, and some girl was being hit by her boyfriend. All of her friends stood around her doing nothing! I eventually stepped in and tried to protect her, once she had already fallen to the ground. Her boyfriend got up in my face but never said anything to me. And I couldn't talk in that dream either. Eventually, this girls boyfriend left and she stood up and never thanked me at all, but just walked away. I started to see a pattern in my dreams. I always felt helpless to really solve the problem at hand, and I was always protecting a girl. I wondered if this could be a sign that I am going to have a baby girl! =) Initially, I felt like I was going to have a boy. Now I have no idea. I called mom to tell her about the dreams and she told me that I should go to her friend Corby to see if she can give me some insight to what these dreams mean. I never looked up the meaning to anything about the dream, but I did do some research on whether or not it is normal to be having dreams like this, and to my surprise I found out that not only is it normal, but very common for first trimester pregnancies. What information I was able t read explained to me that because of all of the changes with my hormones during the first three months, it is common to have nightmares depicting your fears or anxieties over your pregnancy. So, I wonder, does this mean I am afraid that I won't be able to protect my child? And I wonder why they always involve girls, never boys. I began recording my dreams and feelings about my dreams in a notebook, and since I've done that, they are beginning to go away. I think also that by just writing them down and getting them out helps me to focus on them less and less, so I'm not as worried about things anymore. This is the main reason I continue to write for this blog. I don't think there is anything more therapeutic than writing. Well, possibly living in someplace like Bora Bora for the rest of my life could match that feeling ;) But for now, I have to stick to writing =)

Baby's first gift!! Melissa bought the book "Where The Wild Things Are" for baby! =) Since the movie is coming out soon, they had the book on sale in Blockbuster so she picked it up, since she knew it was one of my all time favorites! Haha When she told me, I said, "They sell books in Blockbuster now?" I thought she just mixed up her stores, but I see she just found a good deal. Because of my love for reading and writing, I feel like books are going to be of utmost importance to me and baby. I look forward to reaching about 5 months and knowin that baby can hear me reading to him or her. Akeem has already promised to read and play music for baby while in mommy's tummy. I can't wait to read Harry Potter to baby!! =) Every day, I get more and more excited knowing that I have the ability to create and shape this human being inside of me into the greatest person I can possibly make him or her. Every day, the nerves subside more and more. Every day, I am more and more comfortable with the idea that I am going to be a MOMMY!!! Akeem and I always say to each other, at random times, "WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!" And then we smile and laugh at the idea. I am most excited to be able to watch baby grow and learn and play with daddy. Akeem is such a big goof ball... when I sit down and close my eyes, I can see him and his child playing and giggling and horsing around. I've never imagined something more beautiful. It often brings tears to my eyes. =) This really is going to be the best thing that ever happened to me; to us.

But, as I start to get emotional now just writing about it, I must end this post with this note: No matter what emotions I am going through at this point, or any point, please know that I do see this blessing for all that it is meant to be. In one post I left (and have now deleted) I think I confused my readers into thinking that I was worried so much to the point I was considering abortion. Never, since day one, have I seriously thought about aborting this child. I do worry sometimes that I may not be a good mom or even be ready for this, but I know that those are normal feelings, and I know that no matter what, one can never be fully ready for something so life changing to happen. No matter what I worry about, at the end of the day, when I lay down in bed and put my hand on my tummy, I believe that this is right, this is beautiful, and this is my future. Until next post, all my love!!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Sonogram, body changes, food cravings!

Now that I’ve explained the very beginning of things, lets move on to the next two weeks of waiting for my first sonogram. Like I said before, September 2, 2009 is when I officially found out I was pregnant with baby. On that day, my first sonogram was set up for 1:15pm on September 15, 2009. It seems like almost immediately after discovering I was pregnant, morning sickness began. I had been noticing a few times before I found out, I would be on the bus or train to or from work and I would start to feel nauseous. But I never thought anything of it, because it would often come at a time when I was reading a book or magazine, so I figured it was just motion sickness. It never lasted long and wasn’t that strong. But it seems as if September 3, 2009 I woke up with extreme morning sickness. Every day for about two weeks not only would I wake up feeling sick, but around 10pm every night, the symptoms would return. I hated it so much! I think, pregnant or not, one of the worst feelings in the world is to feel you have to throw up. Because of the nature and hours of both of my jobs, it seemed to make things worse. My morning job requires me to get up at 4:30am every day to travel to a group home and help some clients to begin their day. Getting up this early, I was never hungry right away, so I would often leave the house with just a bottle of water in hand. My afternoon job requires me to work on a ship, serving drinks and entertaining guests. It is often eight or so grueling hours of being on your feet constantly, dealing with the rocking and all the different smells of the different food that is served at dinnertime. Often the cruise would end at 10pm, right when my sickness would return, but then we would have to spend an hour and a half resetting and cleaning the ship. It was awful. I hated not getting home until 1:30 in the morning only to fall to sleep for three hours and get right back up for work again. I don’t know if my body really could tell the difference, or if it was more psychological, but everything was bothering me more and more. My body and joints hurt more than ever. Smells were bothering me so much more. And not eating, even when I wasn’t hungry, was leaving me wrecked. The more I googled information on the early weeks of pregnancy, the more I was able to recognize was true in my own body. I discovered that one of the most effective ways to beat morning sickness was to eat a small, low fat meal before bed, and to eat small meals throughout the day. It worked best to never be too full or too hungry. So I began drinking a glass of soymilk before bed, and making a bagel with peanut butter in the morning to take to work with me, so I could munch on it throughout my morning. It began to help. There were definitely nights I fell asleep with the crackers next to me on the bed. There were mornings where I took a cab to work, even though I hated spending the $10 it took to get there, only because I didn’t want to risk throwing up on the bus or the train. Thank goodness, to this day, I have yet to actually throw up due to morning sickness. But let me assure you, there were days I was just begging to throw up so I could get rid of the feeling. But then again, I wasn’t sure if even that would help. This wasn’t the same as a hangover. =)

Over the course of the two weeks after finding out I was pregnant, I bought my prenatal vitamins along with a pregnancy journal that has day-to-day information about baby and mommy’s growth. It also has little facts about food and random feel better tips. After reading that so many women would experience an increase in morning sickness after taking the prenatal vitamin, I never even risked taking it in the morning. From day one, I’ve always taken them at night, right before I go to bed. The only problem I’ve had from the prenatal vitamins has been the gas they create in my tummy! =( Kinda gross, I know, but then again, I’m sure things will get grosser as this blog and my pregnancy continue! Haha! =) Thank goodness, Melly doesn’t mind when I let the wind blow… ;) She understands, better out than in! My nails and hair are growing stronger by the day, I can tell already, and it hasn’t even been a full month that I’ve been taking them yet. I was thinking about cutting my hair short because there wouldn’t be a more opportune time than now, seeing that it would grow back longer and stronger than ever right now. But I’m still not sure I can do that. I am, as you probably know if you know me at all, a chronic hair twister. I twist when I am tired, bored, upset, watching television, going to sleep etc. You can almost always catch me twisting my long hair. If I cut it off now, especially with my hormones all in a twist, I might cry more than I expect. (I know, it’s just hair! But my hair to me is my security blanket. You had your favorite blankie or stuffed animal as a kid. I had my hair.)

Along with the prenatal vitamins, I began reading all the little food tips in my pregnancy journal and switched my eating habits as much as possible. I eat more fruit and vegetables. I stopped eating candy. I never drank soda to begin with, but I did drink a lot of Kool-Aid =) I stopped drinking that as much. I pretty much stick to orange juice and water now. Before I was pregnant, I could not stand plain water. I hardly ever drank water unless I was at a restaurant and got it with lemon. Now I can’t get enough. I crave it all the time. I have a whole bunch of Little Debbie snacks in the house that I don’t even want to eat anymore. (Melly doesn’t mind at all though! More for her.) I guess because I know it’s time to create a whole other human being inside of me, my body is naturally craving the good things for me. I always want fruits and vegetables. I’ve been eating more cereal than ever, since the folic acid is great for mom and baby, and it’s also a great remedy for morning sickness (dry cereal, that is. Milk doesn’t seem to help me feel any better once I’m feeling crappy.) I’ve switched from organic milk to soymilk. And I constantly carry a snack with me. It’s been difficult because some days I want to eat everything, and other days, I’m not hungry at all. But no matter how I feel, I have to monitor how much I eat, regardless, to make sure that I keep a little full at all times to prevent that sick feeling again. It’s been strange also that no matter how hungry I am, I can never eat as much in one sitting as I used to. I get full very quickly now. My cravings thus far have consisted of McDonald’s french fries, the Meatball Marinara sub from Subway, dark leaf salad with chickpeas, corn, and kidney beans, lasagna, and ice pops. I am so sick of peanut butter that I never want to eat it again (since that’s all I was eating in the beginning because all the stuff I read said that it helps morning sickness the most.) I’ve stopped drinking my morning cup of green tea. Too many studies conflict as to whether it is good or harmful for the baby. I miss it though.

Numerous smells have been added to my distaste. The smell of my incense, which I used to burn every day, makes me sick to my stomach. The smell of brewing coffee is awful. All the random unidentifiable smells on city busses and subways are terrible. Men’s cologne has been a big enemy. Slowly, I am able to tolerate the smell of the incense again, but it really depends on the day and my mood. Mostly, I just try and sit as close to a window with fresh air as much as possible. I’ve stopped using any and all of my perfumes and body sprays. I bought unscented lotion to begin with, but I’ve switched to Palmer’s cocoa butter, which smells like chocolate and maple syrup mixed together, which does not bother my nose one bit! =) Oddly, my nose is highly attracted to the smell of bacon! No matter how sick I felt, the smell of bacon and eggs made me instantly hungry. And even though I’m not drinking it, the smell of soda is oh so yummy (I have had the occasional can of ginger ale, in hopes it would calm my upset tummy outside of the house.)

By the time I reached the date for my first sonogram, I was getting used to pretty much all the changes my body was beginning to go through. It became easier to “deal with it.” I went to my sonogram alone. Akeem and Melly were both at school. My mom wanted to come down, but I refused to let her, because I knew it would only be a five minute thing and I didn’t want her to have to travel three hours for that. I was a little sad that I was alone, but I didn’t let it bother me too much. I know there will be more, longer and more interesting than this one. Once I managed to find the office for my appointment, I went in and signed in. As usual for the city, it was packed. Two men started fighting in the waiting room. They were screaming and swearing at one another, all because one apparently looked at the other the wrong way, typical city nonsense. See why I can’t wit to move out of such a hostile environment? Eventually I was called in. A short, sweet looking man called me into the room. He introduced me to this beautiful woman and explained that she would be doing the sonogram for me. She was really sweet and warm. I got up on the table, they dimmed the lights, she asked me up unzip and roll down the top of my pants. She smiled at me and began to ask me questions about the pregnancy and myself, like was I excited, what did I go to school for etc. I told her where I was working and my plans to move out of the city for a healthier pregnancy. She told me I was going to be such a cute mom. She said I sounded like I had a great head on my shoulders, as that big smile flashed across her face again. Everything felt so right. All of a sudden, there it was. My uterus and womb showed up on the screen and she exclaimed, “Awww you have a little bean for a baby! It’s so tiny!” She then pointed it out to me, but I already saw it. I knew exactly what I was looking at. It seemed that the moment it showed on the screen, that was exactly where my eyes were locked. My baby was tiny indeed, just a little smudge of a thing. She began to measure it, and as the guy was asking me about what health care I would be going with, I heard the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard, my baby’s heartbeat. I stopped listening to him mid sentence. It seemed as if everything else in the room never existed. It was just my baby and I. The heartbeat was loud. The woman smiled big again and said that the heartbeat was strong and healthy; 172 beats per minute. I must have looked like a kid on Christmas morning. After a few seconds, the heartbeat was gone, and I apologized to the man for not responding or paying attention to his question. He laughed and said that was ok, and repeated the question. The woman finished up the exam and printed out two copies for me. She told me I was 7 weeks 6 days along. This was a shock though, because on September 2, 2009 when I had found out I was pregnant, I was told I was 7 weeks 3 days along. Just an honest miscalculation. The woman doing my sonogram told me my due date based on how far the sonogram said I was would be April 28, 2010. My step-mom’s birthday!! =) I was then sent on my way back home. I called Akeem, Mom, and Melly on my way home to tell them about the appointment. I then called my step-mom to tell her that maybe she would have to share her birthday next year! Haha

So, there goes the next bit of my journey! Don’t worry, still much more to come. I just want to try my best to categorize things into similar categories and time frames. =) Still to come, more body changes… some you care to know about, some you may not care to know about. I will keep it G-rated… well, try to at least! Haha And still, these nightmares. Oy. I do hope you are enjoying my stories and that they are easy to follow along with!

Not only will I be giving you updates based on what’s going on physically with me and baby, but there will be entries of my personal thoughts, fears, trials and tribulations as well. Not only will I use this blog to keep everyone updated but I will use this as my personal diary to some extent as well. I know with these hormones kicking in, I will need to write now more than ever to keep it all out of body and to not worry about it so much. So, I ask that you please, read with care and understanding, and no matter what I’ve got to share, please keep an open mind. Know that I welcome any and every insight from you, my reader. Until next post, all my love.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

September 23, 2009

Welcome to my BLOG! I never thought I would create one of these, but here I am, ready to embark on one of the most amazing adventures of my life, and wanting to share every moment with YOU! As you my already know (or not) I am currently 9 weeks (today) pregnant with my VERY FIRST CHILD!! How shocking, yet exciting! =) If you asked me how to explain how I feel about this moment in my life, I would look at you and just laugh, because I have no idea how to successfully put any of this into words yet. I probably won't know how to either until maybe ten years down the road from now. I do know for sure however that I want to have every moment of this pregnancy be a memorable one. I want to be able to share this blog with my child someday and with all of you now. It is difficult and time consuming to write to everyone individually in today's day and age, so I figured that blogging about my daily life right now would be a bit easier, and this way, we can all stay on the same page! =) So, I suppose I should start from the beginning of it all...

September 2, 2009 I went to E. 207th & Bainbridge in the Bronx to an EMC clinic. My period was supposed to have come on/around August 12. When it had not come yet by the last week in August, I decided it was probably time to go get things checked out. I was not really expecting to be pregnant however. My period in July was ten days late, and I was not pregnant. My period in June was five days late, and I was not pregnant. So I figured maybe my body was just going through some changes due to stress from my new job or thought maybe my cycle was just changing, since that is very possible. Around August 12, I was getting all the symptoms of my period; my breast were sore, I was moody/emotional, and I was having lower abdominal cramping. I really, honestly thought that my period would be on its way any day now. But for some reason still, I figured it was best to go get checked out, because even if I could rule out pregnancy, then I could at least see if anything was wrong with anything else. The woman at the clinic, Karen, was very sweet to me. She gave me a cup to pee in and sent me down the hall to the bathroom. For a Bronx clinic, it was very classy and, to my surprise, EMPTY! Only Karen and I were there. I almost got scared and thought this wasn't a reputable place! Haha As I sat and waited to be called for my appointment, I googled the clinic on my phone to check reviews. Everyone who had been here seemed to really like the service. My nerves calmed a bit. Once I peed in the cup and brought it back to Karen's office, she handed me a little dropper and told me to fill the circle to the brim on the pregnancy test she had set up on her desk. I did this with a shaky hand. As we waited for the results to appear, she had me go back to the bathroom and dispose of the unused urine and wash my hands. This helped take away from the dramatic moments of sitting there focused on the test as it did its thing. When I came back to her office, she was filling out a sheet and told me to look at the test and the instructions next to it. She had a big smile on her face. I clearly saw the instructions saying that one line means negative (not pregnant), two lines is a positive (pregnant!) I then glanced over at my test, and low and behold, two lines were strong and present! PREGNANT!! Ok, (deep breath, fighting back tears) I had to face this. Immediately too many emotions crossed my mind to even be able to recall exactly how I felt at that moment, but it is probably safe to say, confused and scared were two of the most prominent feelings. I did not know what to think, do, say... Karen told me approximately how far along I was (7 weeks, 3 days... which my first sonogram (September 15, 2009) proved was too far... Karen had over estimated my progress by two weeks!) She told me, based on how far she assumed I was, that my due date was April 13, 2010. Pause.......... that is my anniversary with my boyfriend, and father of this child, Dean (Akeem)! A sign, I thought. God planned this. (But then again, doesn't he plan everything?) At that moment, I became more sure than ever that this was supposed to be happening. It wasn't really the "right" time for me, but this was the right time. This was how it was supposed to be. I felt like things were falling into place; it was starting to make a slight bit more sense. Karen asked me what I was feeling, thinking, planning. She asked if I would keep the child. We talked about the abortion I had when I was 18. I almost cried, but I didn't want to look that vulnerable. I was able to hold it in.... until I got home that is. Karen was really awesome at making me feel in total control of my life in a moment where I felt I couldn't be any less out of control. I really appreciate that she was there for me. He positive outlook really helped me to understand that this was not the end of everything as I knew it. I thank God for Karen. She was there for a reason, I believe.

So, now came the time to go home. Since Dean was away at school, I had a tough decision to make in regards with how exactly to break this news to him. I really wanted him to be home when I told him so I could be there for his reaction, and just because this is a very personal moment I wanted to share with him. But I knew I would not be able to wait until the weekend to tell him. So I called him. And called him. And called him. He wasn't picking up. Great. I just wanted to tell someone already, but I really wanted him to be the first to know. As I was walking home, I finally got in touch with him. I apologized for blowing up his phone (he told me he was in class... whoops!) It was just that I had something really big to tell him... "So," I said, "Can I start calling you 'Baby Daddy'?" Not the most inventive or romantic way to tell someone they are possibly about to be a father, but it kind of came out like blahhh. I didn't know how else to say it. It took him a few moments to say anything, but once he did, I could here the smile in his voice. Another wave of relief for me. I think, form the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to keep this child. I was just worried what the world would think about me. I was worried how people would react. I was afraid my family and friends would be disappointed, ashamed, upset for some reason. But deep down, I knew that I would want to keep this child, no matter what. So, to hear that Dean was smiling, made me feel so much better for some reason.

Once I told Dean about it, I was able to call my best friend Melly, and tell her. She, on the other hand, did not take the news too well. She was in the Library at her school when I called. She knew I was going to get the test done, so she knew this phone call would be the results. When I confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, she began to cry. She blamed me for not protecting myself, claiming that she's going to lose her best friend now. She called me a hypocrite because I would always tell her, don't get pregnant, finish school, follow your dreams. This was really tough to deal with. Melly means the whole wide world to me. If I didn't have her in my life, I don't know if I would have made it through half of the stuff I have growing up. We ended the phone call, me with a sick feeling in my stomach. What was I going to do? Eventually, when she calmed down, she called me back. She apologized for overreacting and getting so upset. She ultimately expressed that she was happy for me, she was just shocked. I understood her top to bottom. But, man, what a relief to here her voice again, not crying. She told me no matter what she would be here for me and this child, and that she supports any decision I make. I had a feeling she would come around. But, I was not prepared for her to have been so upset initially.

Over the next few weeks came the part of telling my family and friends. This was more difficult than I thought. Some of my family members took it better than others. Some were disappointed in me. They feel, for some reason, that I am throwing away my life, my dreams, my aspirations. I think that the color of Dean's skin is a small issue to a few of my family members. I heard it all, from I am too young to this will be too much responsibility. Some told me they don't believe I am ready to handle this. Some even expected that this means I am looking for handouts of certain material things, such as a car or money. I was really hurt by certain reactions. I was shocked that so many hateful things could be said by my own flesh and blood. I will admit, I really let it get to me for a bit. But, things calmed down, and slowly, everyone is beginning to accept the facts. Everything is falling into place.

The majority of my family is happy and excited for me. A lot of the women in my family have had children at a young age as well, and all of them have thus far been successful in their own eyes, and that to me is all the strength I need. I know that I will have all the love and support I need from those who want to participate in this time in my life. My mother is excited, I think a bit more than she leads on to be. This is, after all, her very first grandbaby! =) I am sure she is concerned if I can handle this or not, but she never showed her doubts. She has been supportive since the moment I told her (as I cried hysterically on the phone to her.) She told me that she feels as if she has to grow up now. If anything, I think this might make her feel young again. I hope it will at least. My sister is excited to be an aunt! And has already expressed to me that she is an excellent baby sitter, she just won't change diapers! Haha I told her to name her price... I am still waiting on an estimate. =)

So, I know this post is super long. I just wanted to record the beginning first. This is how the ball got rolling, I guess you can say. There is plenty more to add, however that all deserves another post and another date. For now, I will leave you with this. Still to come, my first sonogram, baby's first gift, the trials and tribulations of morning sickness and all the wonderful changes to my body!! Haha And the nightmares! Oh what nightmares I've been having!! So stay tuned for more, more, more! Until next post, all my love.